Charles Darwin: Putting the "evil" in evolution since 1859

(Editor's note: I apologize for the poor quality of the pictures in this post. I had a crappy camera back then, and apparently the majority of this museum's budget went towards placards, not lighting.)

Some museums are so astounding, so terrifying in their grandeur, that to visit them is like unto a religious experience. The Museum of Creation and Earth History is one such place. And like all great shrines, this Kaaba of museumdom required unparalleled travails to reach its hallowed gates.


See, I was staying near the beach in San Diego, so I had to take an hour-long bus to the main transit station downtown. Then I hopped on the trolley to the end of the line, which took another hour. After one more hour on the rural bus line and a good two-mile hike through the streets of Santee, I had arrived. And with only 45 minutes until closing time.

The casual visitor to Santee might not even notice the humble gray building nestled amongst the strip-mall anonymity that is suburban San Diego. But oh, what wonders await those who venture inside. The premise of the Museum of Creation and Earth History is that "secular" science museums are lying to you. When those so-called "science" museums display the bones of say, a Velociraptor that supposedly lived 74 million years ago, they're lying. And all the scientists know it. But, as good Christians who faithfully interpret the word of God, the curators of the MoCaEH know the truth: that dinosaur was actually wiped out 4000 years ago, right after Noah's Flood. And before that, it probably snacked on human babies!

A tour through the MoCaEH is really a virtual tour through the origins of the universe, all the way up to the advent of humanity. Yes, all six of those days. Through helpful dioramas and text-heavy placards, we learn about the overwhelming evidence that God created all the stars, galaxies, planets, oceans, mountains, plants, and animals in just five short days, about 6000 years ago. Then he made humans. Then he rested, because, well, even gods need a day off. And of course, all of this scientific evidence also happens to correspond with the creation story (or stories) in the Bible.

But even if there wasn't such a huge pile of evidence from the fossil record AND a book written by scientifically illiterate patriarchal nomads a few thousand years ago, we know that evolution isn't even possible. Why? Because of Universal Disorder! Frying pans with Teflon coating flaking off before your very eyes! An executive toy from the 1980s with broken strings! A platter and a melted flask sliding off a crooked shelf! A spoon on the wall! How can any reasonable person see a spoon on the wall and think that evolution is possible? Ridiculous.

Central to the young earth creationist narrative is the story of Noah's Flood. As mentioned previously, that 40-day rainstorm explains almost all of the earth's features, including the extensive fossil record, mountain ranges that appear to be millions of years old, and even the Grand Canyon. Indeed, that little hole in the ground was carved out of solid rock in a measly few weeks, not the millions of years claimed by secular so-called scientists. Here you can see a friendly tour guide explaining all of this to a group of Korean youngsters. It makes so much more sense when you're able to get that close to a wall-sized panorama of the canyon.

And of course, what would Noah's Flood be without a really, really big Ark? I mean, that poor guy had to fit two of every single species on that boat. Two of every carnivorous mammal (and the live animals to feed them), two of every species of parasitic worm, two of every one of the 400,000 species of beetles on the planet. You get the idea. This photo ought to give you a sense of the scale of this yacht. If you squint really hard, you can just make out Noah's son Ham pounding away on a plank--hard hat and all--as well as the station wagon he rolled up in.

The next room houses a scale model of the Tower of Babel. Apparently, the first people on the earth all had a single culture, language, and skin color. Then they tried to build a tower up to heaven. Jehovah got pissed because they were too smart, so he smashed their tower. Then he gave them all different languages and scattered them over the earth. This is why people have different languages and cultures. Apparently, "race" is actually just an evolutionary concept, so racism didn't even exist until those evil evolutionists came up with it.


Even Hitler believed in evolution!

Here's a helpful little sign. Have you ever wondered how to properly date a fossil that you might stumble upon? Well, you shouldn't use any of those "scientific" methods. They're not just wrong, they're downright evil. No, you should rely instead on the Word of God. Let's see, I'm sure it says something about this Ambulocetus jawbone in Leviticus...


Now that we've dispensed with all that silly scientistical stuff, we've finally gotten to the point: evolution is EVIL!! See all the bad stuff that happened when people started believing in evilution? Pornography, prostitution, promiscuity, child abuse, slavery, and even homosexuality! None of those things existed until Darwin published The Origin of Species in 1859. 

Overwhelmed by the awful truth of it all, I was relieved to finally find myself in the gift shop. Being a botanist, I couldn't resist purchasing a delightful children's book about plants on my way out of the museum. There are some real eye-openers in it. For example, did you know that "plants were meant to be 'meat' for insects, but sin caused some plants to be meat-eaters"? Actually, before the Fall of Man, all creatures ate plants. So it wouldn't have been surprising for Adam and Eve to waltz along and find a Tyrannosaurus rex munching on a pear!

"Oh, T. rex, don't spoil your appetite. We've prepared a delicious arugula salad for dinner!"